Sunday, September 22, 2013

Eddie called this morning and asked if he could stop by and drop something at our gate on his way to his parents. “Sure, come on up for coffee.” He said he had to get on the road, but thanks anyway. A text message came about 20 minutes later; a note to check the gate. I walked up the drive to the front gate of White Dove Meadow. My heart feeling as if it hung heavy. A large plastic bag enclosed a manila folder. Eddie’s handwriting on the top left said, “For: Evans and Esther

Just something I was lucky enough to see….”

Curious, I opened it slowly expecting a picture of Lucy he must have caught in the weeks prior. “Presumption,” I thought to myself when my eyes fell on not a photograph but this typed account, on pretty paper, of a moment I will not ever forget…only from his perspective, there were things I could not see. Eddie’s paper read as follows:

“The herd is always together. That is how they survive. It’s how God meant for them to graze the earth. And, when it is a horse’s time to pass on, they will actually leave the herd and move away. I don’t know why. Maybe its just part of the herd instinct, or maybe they walk to God because He asked for only that horse and not the herd.

At the end of the day, Lucy walked to the back of the corral, the furthest distance away from people and x-ray machines and slings and comfort. She was so very tired, yet so strong. Esther joined her at the back or the corral and cradled her head as had done before many times. I watched and wept as we all did. Lucy put all her weight into Esther’s arms and her eye became very quiet and calm and comfortable. No wrinkles, no worries. As Esther pushed her back up to relieve some off the pressure of Lucy’s weight, she became very alert. Lucy stood up tall, ears perked straight up. She was facing the back of the corral. She took two looks deep into the pasture through the trees. Fred and Zara were there…her herd…she checking in for the last time. She made no call to them. Then immediately she was back into Esther’s arms and heart—Lucy was where she wanted to be, with her herd leader…at that moment, Lucy was ready…

Horses always seek out the strongest individual in the herd to lead. Safety, survival, strength, comfort. Lucy was cradled in the very herd instinct in Esther arms…a beautiful bond and a beautiful memory…

-Ed Kolwasky

It was good Eddie had to get on the road. I probably would have opened it upon receipt if he’d come to have coffee with us, and maybe I wouldn’t have had the moment I did sitting on the driveway, crying out my hurt…feeling loss and gratitude all mixed up together. Emma Schmidt told me once, “Es, it’s okay. Tears are a language to God.” How glad I am that they are words to Him.